Do What He Says

Jun 5, 2021

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An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it.

Our lives depend on it!”

“Dear,” the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, “I’m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!”

A Strange Jigsaw Puzzle

Jun 5, 2021

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Paddy gets a phone call from Murphy, “Paddy, I’ve got a problem.” says Murphy

“What’s the matter?” replies Paddy.

“I’ve bought a jigsaw and it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can’t find any edges.” Said Murphy.

“What’s the picture of?” asks Paddy.

“It’s of a big rooster,” Murphy replies.

Paddy says, “Alright, Murphy, I’ll come over and have a look.”

He gets to Murphy’s house and Murphy opens the door. “Oh thanks for coming Paddy.” He leads Paddy into the kitchen and show him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.

Paddy looks at the jigsaw, then turns to Murphy and says, “For God’s sake Murphy, put the cornflakes back in the packet.”

Extra Cash

Jun 5, 2021

0 192

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

Then, the young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.” The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.

And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I’ll show you my thighs,” and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young girl says, “If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance. That’s the hospital where I had it done!”

Ant Adventure

Jun 5, 2021

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Two ants met in a woman’s belly button and decided to explore the rest of her body. Agreeing to meet back in the same place in a week, one ant headed north while the other went south.

Seven days later, they returned to the belly button.

“I had a great time,” reported the ant who ventured north. “There were these two big hills, and every day I went skiing, and at night I slept in this nice warm valley.”

“I had a hell of a time,” sighed the other ant. “First I had to walk through this thick jungle, then I fell down this huge hole, and by the time I climbed out I was so tired that I fell asleep in this smelly cave. But that wasn’t the worst of it! Every night, this giant worm came in and threw up in my face!”

Learn New Sports Fast

Jun 5, 2021

0 180

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, ‘Son, how old are you?’ ‘Eight’, the boy replied.

The man continued, ‘Do you know what these are used for?’ The boy replied, ‘Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four.

We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike.

Right now, he can’t do none of those’.

Boys will be Boys

Jun 5, 2021

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OK, I’m the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down…etc.

SOOOOoooooooooo I’m the only one who would be using Female Product’s…..correct?

A STRANGE thing was happening at my house. Tampons were disappearing. *Insert Twilight Zone theme here *

Ok….A few months ago I went to my cupboard to get out a tampon and there was ONLY one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the month before. So, I go back to the store, buy a new box and forget about it.

The next month (T.O.M) I go back to the cupboard…..and VOILA….there is only ONE tampon left again. What’s going on here? Gremlins??? I go to the store and buy another box, and forget about it.

WELL…..I decided to clean out my two youngest sons closet and LOW and BEHOLD….at the bottom of their closet are the wrappers, applicators and the tampons themselves.

I am starting to FREAK!!! Dear God, what are they doing with them??????

I get a hold of myself and tell myself that I am an adult and can handle this, despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind. I’m thinking,”Do I have enough money saved up in the bank for MAJOR THERAPY?”

I go to the top of the stairs and yell for my two youngest sons to “COME HERE!!!!”

They march up the stairs and find me in their room staring into the bottom of their closet.

I said “What are you doing with THOSE? THOSE are MINE!”

My 12 year old looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is silent.

My 10 year old looks at me all innocent and says. “Well, Mom, we were playing with our G.I. Joes and stuff… and THOSE make really good SCUD missiles… What do YOU use them for?”

“NEVER MIND!! GO PLAY!!!!”