What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
“Dam”.
What did the Fish Say
The Horny Camel
A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, the guy told him.
Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go along with that.
He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat off the camel every day for the first three days.
On the fourth day, the camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And again.
Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says “For Christ’s sake, what do you want now?” The camel puckers up and makes little sucking noises.
Just Make Sure
These 2 hunters was hunting one day and this one hunter fainted. The other hunter didn’t know what to do, so he called 911.
When the person answered the hunter told them that his partner was dead. The person on the other end said calm down and make sure your partner was dead
Awhile later, the person on the phone heard a gun shot and the hunter came back on the line and said “OK, he is dead for sure”, what’s next?
Programmer and Engineer
A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $5.
“Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $100!
“This catches the engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The programmer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The engineer doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.
Now, it’s the engineer’s turn. He asks the programmer “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?”
The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the airplane’s phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Still frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers–all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks “Well, so what’s the answer?” Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.
A Military Cargo Plane
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down.
The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter.
They throw out a pistol. “Throw out more!” shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. “More!” he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.
He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off.
Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who’s crying. They ask him why he’s crying and he says “A pistol hit me on the head! “They drive more and meet another boy who’s crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, “A rifle hit me on the head! “They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who’s laughing hysterically.
They ask him, “Kid, what’s so funny?” The boy replies, “I sneezed and a house blew up!”
Dead Chicken
It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes.
The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.
The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from the carcass impact, it’ll survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they’re developing. They borrowed the FAA’s chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired.
The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer’s chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab.
The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: “Use a thawed chicken.”
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