A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Worries About the Future
Goose and the Gander Philosophy
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
The husband says “WHAT??”
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can’t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them.
Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewellery Dept. where she gets a set of diamond ear rings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out – but she does not argue. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says “but you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let’s get it.”
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.
She says “I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register.” The husband stops and says, “No, honey I don’t feel like buying all this stuff now.”
The wife’s face goes blank.
“No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.” The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode and the Husband says, “You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.”
Endless Debt
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying.”
A Few Days
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheque.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Where Do I Come From?
“Daddy, where did I come from?” the seven-year-old asked.
It was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly.
“Does that answer your question?” her father asked.
“Not really,” the little girl said. “Marcia said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from.”
Pregnant
A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I’ll bust. She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had layed eggs.
He was so happy. he added, “but confidentially, I changed cocks.”
The newly pregnant woman responded, “Confidentially, me too.”
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