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Frog Sound

Jun 6, 2021

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There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, “Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?

Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, “No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.”

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, “Will You please make a sound like a frog?”

Grandpa again says, “No, not now. I don’t really want to do that.I’m in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.”

Then the third little boy comes out and says, “Grandpa, oh please…Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?”

“Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?” Grandpa Asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, “Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!”

Fingers

Jun 6, 2021

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A guy was packing for a business trip and his three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

At one point she said, “Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, he reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers,” pretending to eat them and then went back to packing.

He looked up again and his daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

He said, “What’s wrong, honey?”

She replied, “What happened to my boogie?

Does Childbirth Hurt?

Jun 6, 2021

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A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions.

She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?”

The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it’s difficult to describe pain.”

“I know, but can’t you give me some idea?,” she asks.

“Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little…”

“Like this?”

“A little more…”

“Like this?”

“No. A little more…”

“Like this?”

“Yes. Does that hurt?”

“A little bit.”

“Now stretch it over your head!”

Kid’s Password

Jun 6, 2021

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My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was “GoofyMickeyMinniePluto” and so I asked why it was so long.

“Because,” my son explained, “they said it had to have at least four characters.”

Morning Sickness

Jun 6, 2021

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Toothbrush Salesman Jokes Times Jokes Times

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

“What’s wrong Marge?” she asked.

Marge told her that she had “morning sickness.”

Surprised, the neighbour said, “I didn’t even know you were pregnant!”

“I’m not.” the harried young woman replied. “I’m just damn sick of mornings.”

Where is my Parakeet

Jun 6, 2021

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A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself.

He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. “Here,” she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. “I found them in the hallway.”

“Now,” she said, “if only I could find my parakeet.”