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Barn Burning

Jun 6, 2021

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Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”

The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.”

There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, “If that’s how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband.”

Immaculate Conception

Jun 6, 2021

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A mother and her daughter were at a gynaecologist’s office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter. “She has been having some strange symptoms and I’m worried about her,” the mother said.

The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, “Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant.”

The mother gasped, “That’s nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men.” She turned to the girl. “You don’t, do you, dear?”

“No, mumsy,” said the girl. “Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!”

The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out.

He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, “Doctor, is there something wrong out there?”

“No, Madam,” said the doctor. “It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up.”

Silent

Jun 6, 2021

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Young Actor: Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.

Father: Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.

The Gift

Jun 6, 2021

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On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she guessed.

“No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, ” Champagne ?

“No,” said the little boy… “It’s a puppy!”

Excellent Essay

Jun 6, 2021

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A boy was giving a homework to write an assay. However, he got his mum to help in write his essay. Few days later, after checking on all the students’ essays.

The teacher said to him, “That’s an excellent essay for someone your age”. The boy replied, “How about for someone my Mum’s age, Miss?”

Unexpected Childbirth

Jun 6, 2021

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Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place…… smack his butt again!”