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Old and Forgetful

Jun 5, 2021

0 163

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”

“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques – visualization, association – it made a huge difference for me.”

“That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?”
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn’t remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?”

“You mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife. . .”Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”

What Mommy Calls Me

Jun 5, 2021

0 291

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!

Playing Doctor and Patient

Jun 5, 2021

0 313

Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring.

“Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?”

“Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?”

“Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!”

The Virgin

Jun 5, 2021

0 221

It’s your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him– he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to lead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.

He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake you head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Crying Food

Jun 5, 2021

0 161

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Do What He Says

Jun 5, 2021

0 217

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it.

Our lives depend on it!”

“Dear,” the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, “I’m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!”