Sunday, April 27, 2025
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Problems, Problems, Problems Jokes TImes

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. “Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”

His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?” “Oh yes, very much,” he said,” but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”

“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible,and always wear socks, even to bed.” Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.” Mom,” she said, “When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”

“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.” “No, you don’t understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”

Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”

“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.

“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.

“Well, it’s certainly worth a try,” she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, my,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”

Weight Problem Jokes TImes

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. “I’m so ashamed, Doctor,” she said, “I guess I let myself go.”

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. “Don’t feel ashamed, Miss. You don’t look that bad.”
“Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, “Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo.”

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.

“I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said, “I think that I will have to get a second opinion.” And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. “I’ll have to do some more investigations,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity.

“Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.

“Go see if that was a duck, will you?”

Heart Condition Jokes Times

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time.

She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, EVER have sex again – the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules.

Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he’d better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs – she’s coming downstairs, he’s heading up.

“Honey, I have a confession to make,” the woman says, her voice quavering. “I was about to commit suicide.” “I’m glad to hear it, sweetie,” the man says, “because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!”

Beers after Work Jokes Times

A man was approached by a co-worker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she doesn’t allow him to go drinking with the guys after work.

The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem, “When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife’s panties, and give her oral sex.

Women love it, and believe me, she’ll never mention that you were out late with the boys.” So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife’s panties, and gave her oral sex.

She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told her he’d be right back. He got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the toilet. “How did you get in here?” he asked. “Shhhhh!!!” she replied, “you’ll wake-up my mother!”

Three Kinds of Sex Jokes Times

My aunt used to tell me there were three kinds of sex in a marriage. There was exciting sex, necessary sex, and hallway sex. “Exciting sex is when you’re first married and you can’t wait to get at each other. Necessary sex is after you’ve been married for seven or eight years and it’s more of a chore than anything else.

Hallway sex is after you’ve been married for thirty or forty years and you pass each other in the hallway and say “Fuck you!”

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