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Doctors Fee

Jun 5, 2021

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A woman was having a medical problem – her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there are anything he could do to relieve her “suffering”.

The doctor replies, “Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive.”

“How much will that cost?” Asked the woman. “It will cost $1000 downpayment, and payment of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.”

“My goodness! Sounds like buying a new sports car!” the woman exclaimed. “Humm, too obvious, huh?” The doctor murmured.

Nurse Goodtime

Jun 5, 2021

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Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.

“Doctor, you must help me.” she pleaded. “It’s gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.” “I see.” nodded the psychiatrist. “And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter.”

“For God’s sake, NO !!!” exclaimed the Nurse. “I want you to fix it so I won’t feel guilty and depressed afterward.”

First Cut is the Deepest

Jun 5, 2021

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Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, “Hey, what’re you in for?”

“I’m getting my tonsils out. I’m a little worried,” said Tim.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Sammy said. “I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!”

“Oh yeah?” replied Tim. “That’s not half-bad. So, Sammy, how about you? What’re you here for?”

“I’m getting a circumcision, whatever that is,” Sammy answered.

“Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn’t walk for two years!”

Zachary Disease

Jun 5, 2021

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“Diane, I just don’t understand?! I don’t have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and guys just don’t seem interested in me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You know what”, her friend replied, “I know a Chinese doctor that can help you”. So, her friend gave her the doctor’s address and the next day she went to see him.

She tells the doctor what her problem was and he proceeded to give her instructions.
“Take off your crows”, the doctor says.

“What, what did you say?” she replied.

“take off your crows”, the doctor repeated, motioning for her to take off her clothes.

“Ok, now craw to the window”.
“What?”, she asks.

“Craw to the window” he said as he got down on all fours to show her what he meant.

So she crawled to the window.

“Now craw back to me” he says motioning her to come back.

“Ah-ha!”, he says, “I know what your problem is”.

“Well, doctor, what is it?” she says anxiously.

“You have Zachary disease”.

“Zachary disease, what’s that?” she asks.

“Well, your face looks Zachary like your butt”.

Two Little Kids in Operating Room

Jun 5, 2021

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Two Little Kids in Operating Room Jokes Times

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

The first kid says, “A circumcision.”

“Whoa!” the second kid replies. “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year.”

The Druggist

Jun 5, 2021

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Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute – listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.

Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”

He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels – the phone was still ringing – when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it…half of them hit the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife – she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and believe me, Mister, I TOLD HER!