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Cat Calls

Jun 5, 2021

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A veterinarian surgeon had a bad day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals, his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner. After dinner, they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. “Is this the vet?” asked an elderly lady.

“Yes, it is,” replied the vet, “Is this an emergency?”

“Well, sort of,” said the elderly lady, “There’s a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating, and I can’t get to sleep. What can I do about it?”

There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied, “Open the window and tell them they’re wanted on the phone.”

“Really?” said the elderly lady, “Will that stop them?”

“Well, it should,” said the vet, “It stopped ME!”

Wrong Cab

Jun 5, 2021

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A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

Sick Man From Iraq

Jun 5, 2021

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Ahmed came to the United States from Iraq, and was here only a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor. The doctor said, “Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.”

Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, “It worked!! I feel terrific!! What was wrong with me?”
The doctor said, “You were homesick.”

Too Many Puppies

Jun 5, 2021

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A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog’s head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup’s head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, “I didn’t know they had to be baptized, too.”

How were People Born

Jun 5, 2021

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A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me, Mummy said that we were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now!”

His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

New Member in Family

Jun 5, 2021

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For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”