A doctor came to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one of the rooms, he saw a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash.
The doctor asked the man: “What are you doing, walking the dog?”
The man replied: “Oh no, I’m just dragging my toothbrush on a leash.”
The doctor left the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions…
And the man said to his toothbrush: “Ha, Fifi, we tricked him!”
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they’re cured and ready to re-enter society.
“So, Mr. Clark,” the doctor says to one of his patients, “I see by your chart that you’ve been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you’re released?”
The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, “Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That’s still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it’s like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that.
In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I’ve grown interested in lately.”
Dr. Leroy nods and says, “Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.”
The patient replies, “And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.”
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor’s, the man lifts his wife’s coat to show their predicament. The man asks, “Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?”
“Well, yes,” the doctor replies, “but never framed.”
During a visit to a hospital for the mentally infirm, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said the smart-arsed visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No,” said the Director, “a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?”
The American Medical Association has declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered. Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer’s disease research. It is now projected that by the year 2015 there will be fifty million people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can’t remember what to do with them.
A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, “Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?”
“Well, yes, but only once.”
“Once is all it takes” he replied.
Then the torso came out and it was yellow.
“Madam, have you ever slept with an oriental man?”
“Well, yes” she said, “but only once.”
“Once is all it takes,” he said.
When the legs came out they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Indian.
“Well, yes” she said, “but only once.”
“Once is all it takes,” he said.
He finally pulled the baby all the way out and held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry. As it started to cry the woman exclaimed “Oh, thank God, at least it doesn’t bark!”
Prev
