Running Out of Places

Jun 5, 2021

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During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, the patient inform his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

“Which one?” the doctor asked.

“The patch”, the patient answered. “The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!”

The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Read the Chart

Jun 5, 2021

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A doctor was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.

He placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” The patient read the 20/20 line perfectly.

“Now your left.” Again, a flawless read.

“Now both,” The doctor requested. There was silence. The patient couldn’t even read the large E on the top line.

The doctor turned and discovered that he had done exactly covered both eyes.

Big Breaths

Jun 5, 2021

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An elderly and slightly deaf female patient went to see a doctor.

The doctor placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.

“Big breaths,” The doctor instructed.

“Yes, they used to be big,” remorsefully replied the patient.

Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How

Jun 5, 2021

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Mr Lee was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 kg.”

When Mr Lee returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 kg. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

Mr Lee nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.”

“From hunger?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

Stuttering

Jun 5, 2021

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A stuttering man finally decides to go to the doctor to see if his speech impediment can be cured. The doctor thoroughly examines the man and finally asks him to drop his pants.

Out comes this gigantic dick and the doctor pronounces the root of the problem to be strain on the vocal chords from the effects of gravity being transmitted up to the neck area.

The patient then asks, “wh-wh-at c-c-ca-an b-b-e d-d-done ab-b-bout- t-t i-i-t?” to which the doctor replies, “modern surgery can work miracles. We can replace your dick with one of normal size and the stuttering will disappear right after the operation.”

The patient eagerly agrees to the surgery, and as promised his stuttering disappears.

About 3 months later the man returns to the doctor and complains, “doctor, I am grateful to you for having cured me, but my wife really misses a big dick, and rather than lose her I’ve decided to get my old dick back and live with stuttering for the rest of my life.” The doctor then looks straight at the man and replies, “d-d- de-deal’s a d-d-deal.”

Skin Graft

Jun 5, 2021

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A married couple was in a terrible accident in which the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too thin. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, just want to thank you for everything you did for me There is no way I could ever repay you,”

“My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”