A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. “I’m so ashamed, Doctor,” she said, “I guess I let myself go.”
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. “Don’t feel ashamed, Miss. You don’t look that bad.”
“Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, “Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo.”
Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.
“I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said, “I think that I will have to get a second opinion.” And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. “I’ll have to do some more investigations,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity.
“Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
“Go see if that was a duck, will you?”
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you…”
“I know, I know.” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late In the pregnancy.”
“No, that’s not it at all,” Brenda confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, “Doc, I think I’m getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.”
“That’s not senility,” replied the doctor. “Senility is when you forget to zip down.”
Ben was working at the lumberyard one day, pushing a tree through the saw, when he accidentally cut off all of his fingers. He quickly ran down the street to the emergency room. The doctor quickly examined his hands and asked for the fingers.
“I don’t have the fingers.” Ben gasped through his pain.
“What do you mean you don’t have the fingers? We aren’t living in the DarkAges here! I can reattach those fingers and you’d be as good as new! Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”
“Gosh, Doc!” Ben yelled sarcastically. “I guess I couldn’t pick ’em up!”
“Doctor,” the embarrassed man said, “I have a sexual problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore. “Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.”
The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. “Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett,” the medic said. “Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on.”
The doctor took the husband aside. “You’re in perfect health,” he said. “Your wife didn’t give me an erection either.”
Prev
