Monday, November 25, 2024
Doctor Jokes

Sam and John Jokes Times

Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off.

Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon.

The surgeon said, “You’re in luck! I’m an expert at reattaching limbs!

Come back in four hours.” So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, “I got done faster than I expected to.

John is down at the local pub.” Sam went to the pub and saw John throwing darts.

A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off.

Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon. The surgeon said, “Legs are a little tougher – come back in six hours.”

Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, “I finished early – John’s down at the soccer field.”

Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking goals.

A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon.

The surgeon said, “Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours.” So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, “I’m sorry, John died.” Sam said, “I understand – heads are tough.”

The surgeon said, “Oh, no! The surgery went fine! John suffocated in that plastic bag!”

Vet vs. Doc Jokes Times

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: “Hey look, I’m a vet – I don’t need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what’s wrong just by looking. Why can’t you?”

The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, “There you are. Of course, if THAT doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put down.”

Laytex Gloves Jokes Times

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth.

He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves…

“Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?”

She said, “No?”

“Well,” he spoofed, “down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size.

Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands!

Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big ‘Finished Goods Crate’ and start the process all over again.”

And she didn’t laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, “I just suddenly thought about how they must make Laytex Condoms

Hospital Trolley Jokes Times

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation.

She’s laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her.

The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready.

A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.

The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?”

The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea.We’re just painting the corridor.”

Kiss Me Doc Jokes Times

A woman is in her doctor’s office, and suddenly shouts out “Doctor, kiss me!”

The Doctor looks at her and says “It’s against the code of ethics to kiss you.”

About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out “Doctor, please, kiss me just once!”

Again he refuses, apologetically, and says “As a doctor I simply cannot kiss you.”

Finally, another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with her doctor; “Doctor, Doctor, please kiss me just once!!”

“Look” he says, “I am sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn’t even be screwing you”.

Inside Info Jokes Times

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.

When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”

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