Pregnant

Jun 6, 2021

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A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.

Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I’ll bust. She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had layed eggs.

He was so happy. he added, “but confidentially, I changed cocks.”

The newly pregnant woman responded, “Confidentially, me too.”

Migraine Headaches

Jun 6, 2021

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A man went to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.

When the doctor did his history and physical, he discovered that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

“Listen,” said the Doc, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s something that I’ve learned from my own experience.

When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.

Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone.

Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin, “Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”

“Well,” said the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”

“By the way, Doc,” the patient added, “You have a REALLY nice house.”

I Guess It Works

Jun 6, 2021

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A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor said, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don’t you cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman. How’d you come to your diagnosis so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick.”

“Hmmm,” the younger doctor said, “Pretty clever. I think I’ll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn’t have the energy she once did.

“I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much extra work for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doc said, Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?

“Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.”

A Few Minutes Work

Jun 6, 2021

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A young woman felt pain in her teeth and went to a dentist. After checking her teeth, the dentist told her that there is a tooth that has decayed and has beyond decayed and need to be extracted.

The young woman then ask how much will the extraction be. The dentist replied the extraction will cost her $100. The young woman felt it is too expensive and said, $100 for just this few minutes of work? The dentist replies, “Well, I can extract it very slowly over the time frame you like if you want.”

Phobia

Jun 6, 2021

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A man went to a psychiatrist for his phobia.

“Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I’m going crazy!”

“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink, “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“A hundred dollars per visit.”

“I’ll sleep on it,” said the man.

Six months later the doctor met the man on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.

“For a hundred buck’s a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.”

“Is that so! How?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”

Obsession and Name

Jun 6, 2021

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said,”You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: “Your obsession is with alcohol.This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”

At this point, the fourth mother, Debbi, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,”Come on, Dick, we’re leaving.”